hidden in the orchestra;

016. Daily Horoscope.

2006-04-27T19:42:52Z

No matter how much you push, a connection you've been hoping for may just not click. Don't feel bad about this -- sometimes certain situations just can't work out. Instead, view this as a chance to try something else.

015. Wolf Notes.

2006-03-31T17:06:55Z

I find myself missing certain people more then usual lately. People who I have either encountered once, or people who I used to be close with years ago, & parted different ways. Even ordinary places make me think of those who have made such a huge impact on my life. Different smells, & voices get into my head & leave me dazed for a long amount of minutes just recapping on memories. I don't know why I'm all of a sudden getting hit with this all at once, but as hard as it is at that time, I'm so thankful to have known, & to have left something of myself with those people as they have done to me.
I'm living my life with no regrets.

014. Drunken Images.

2006-02-22T18:47:25Z

For the past few weeks without my camera it's been insanely difficult to just do what I really would like to. My eyes have been seeing the most disturbing objects lately, & just when my mind starts to realize that what it sees in simply astonishing, I remember my camera is in the shop, & all I have is my eyes to capture them. I feel like I've been letting a lot of people down lately. Just when I feel like I've made a good effort to try & present myself differently, I get weird vibes. I hate being alone, but the thought of self freedom sounds so pleasing right now. My true colors are afraid to come out in front of others, & even if they were courageous for a day, it wouldn't matter because no one would seem to care. Yesterday I felt like I was on another planet or dimension by myself. I really felt like I had lost all of my mind, & thoughts on life. Walking into that place never seemed more frightening. I told myself to turn back, sit in the grass, & smoke a cigarette, but for some reason my legs wouldn't stop scuffling over the cold concrete floor. My brain was forced to take in all of the knowledge & all of the stories that were told there, no matter if I wanted to hear them or not. After leaving, I felt like no one really understood the way I felt. I, myself didn't even really understand what I was feeling. All I know is that I've never felt that way before in my entire life. I suppose the substances that I devoured yesterday might of had a large effect on the experience as well.

013. She's Too Busy Living Underground.

2006-02-07T08:51:13Z

I'm moving away; Physically, & mentally.
Change isn't always terrible, so what am I so afraid of?

012. Don't Look Back, Keep Your Eyes Ahead.

2006-02-02T15:29:12Z

I can't help but feel homeless, & empty right now. I know I haven't really made the most wisest decisions lately, but in all honestly, they weren't all intensional.

011. Fingers In The Dirt.

2006-01-24T00:18:51Z

Pack of smokes & a little bump of cocaine, help you feel not so strange.

010. Food Coloring, & Bloody Noses.

2006-01-23T06:42:39Z

I was so in love with everything & everyone last night it was ridiculous. From the moment I woke up to the last second before I laid my head down on my own pillow, i just kept on thinking how much I really loved living life, & being surrounded by such remarkable people.

09. Driving Me Backwards.

2006-01-12T06:37:09Z

Tomorrow I leave to San Francisco for 3 days.

Today was wonderful, as expected. I am so glad that I got to spend more time with someone who I barely know, & with someone who's company is greater then most people I know.

08. Cocaine Blues.

2006-01-09T02:16:06Z

It's insanely difficult to express yourself to others because you are too caught up in thinking about what they are thinking. If only the words I really wanted to say could flow right out of my mouth, & into your ears without any hesintation or doubt. I guess if I didn't care so much about it, it would be a lot more simple.

07. Confusion Boats.

2006-01-05T19:33:44Z

Yesterday my horoscope read, 'You should let certain things, & people come to you. You've done more then your share of trying to make others happy. Now it's their turn, if they're sincere they'll step up.'

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

06. Gold Dusk Women.

2005-12-29T18:58:44Z

Do you know how to pick up the pieces & go home?

05. I Saw The Light.

2005-12-26T07:50:07Z

Everything seemed so blurry yet clear at the same time. The mood just mixed so well with the noise, & the noise just mixed so well with the atmosphere. Now, as I sit here awake, when I should be counting sheep, I think about how wonderful the people I have known truly are. Things are going slow, but are going surely; & I really feel like starting tomorrow I will not only get a breath of fresh air, but some realization of what I am searching for.

04. The Perfect Temperature.

2005-12-24T10:42:10Z

Music that makes you get chills down your spine is the only music worth listening to. Driving in the unbearable weather at 5:15am in the morning doesn't seem so unbearable anymore when those words seem so warm.

03. Being Cold, & Having A Cold.

2005-12-20T05:27:37Z

From now on, I am going to exclude all the negative,
& single out only the beautiful things in life.
Life is too glorious to let certain treasures pass you by.

02. Forcast Of The Day.

2005-12-16T23:04:07Z

My bones are freezing, I can touch them, but they are still numb. My camera is broken, I can use it, but it refuses to take anymore photographs of worthy objects. My eyes are sore, I can feel them, but they are swelling up as fast as an allergic person getting stung by a bee. My heart is thumping, I can hear it, but it just keeps on getting louder & louder everytime you come around.

01. Starting Over.

2005-12-10T19:36:02Z

I'm exploding in smiles, my equilibrium's spinning.